A Victory

First let me say, thank you so much to everyone who responded to my post on April 3rd, either on the blog, on FB, or via phone or text.  It means so much to have such a broad and beautiful community that embraces me in my wholeness...good and bad.

That said, it seems appropriate to share my recent victory.  While I have been doing public speaking since I was a teenager and have been doing LGBTQ specific training for at least 15 years, tonight marked my first time going public in a training setting about my rape.  I've considered talking about it a few times in the past couple years, but for various reasons, never chose to go down that road in my presentations.  Tonight I had an opportunity to do some education with the Wayne County SAFE (Sexual Assault Forensic Examiners) program.  The group consists of nurses, PAs, and advocates who work with sexual assault survivors.  Needless to say, I was a little apprehensive going into the training.

As it turned out, my apprehension was unnecessary.  The group was very engaged and interested in learning about transgender culture and our specific needs.  Talking about my assault was much easier than I anticipated.  I was able to share my experience in a direct and honest way, as well as answer the questions that were asked of me.  Now, I must acknowledge that my ability to take on this training request did not happen over night.  I had lots of encouragement and support from many people.  I also have come a long way in my own self-awareness and made sure not to isolate myself.  I even reached out to my therapist in Denver to schedule an appointment for tomorrow, "just in case."

I think one of the things I realized in doing this training was how helpful it was to me and my own process.  One of the challenges I always have when trying to figure out how to talk about what happened to me is my internal need to "take care" of those people who are close to me.  I know the kind of impact my rape had on my friends and family and how much pain it caused them.  I guess I didn't want to talk about it (or know how to talk about it) with any of them because I didn't want them to feel bad.  Because this training was being given to virtual stranger, I didn't feel the same need to "protect" them.  Aside from being strangers, I think the fact that they are all professionals in the field and have dealt with many survivors also made it easier.

In any case, I consider the evening a great success.  I believe these providers will now be able to help transgender survivors in a more sensitive manner.  And I believe the next time I am asked to talk about sexual assault it will be a little easier.

Peace and compassion...